December 11, 2013
Norita Williams
There are so many that are or have been in relationships that have been hurt badly. This including myself. When you are in these types of relationships you don't see things until it is too late. You are already drawn into this person who has the intentions of hurting you but yet you don't see it. Then you think “Poor pitiful me” or “This was my fault this didn't work out” !!!
Before we go on let me just say this...It's NOT your fault and you are better than that!!!
Over long periods of time we get this stuck into our minds that this is what love is and it becomes a cycle of negativity and hurt. This is instilled into us and it lodges itself into our hearts so far that it literally becomes attached in the back of the heart. Over time and in each relationship we go into we bring this baggage with us unknowingly. Honestly the person that we pick out is just like the ones before that one. It's like we are attracted to that type of person because we are use to it. Being in this like mindset and attitude we start to go down hill ourselves.
Here is an example of what I mean:
I wanted to share a little bit of my story. I don't share this for any to have pity on me but maybe it will open eyes to what others are facing. I was with a guy who was good as gold in the beginning and he played all his cards right it seemed. Life was good and things just couldn't seem to be any better. Once we had gotten married things began to change. I had never changed anything I was doing but he started to change. I remember times when I would be getting ready for work and he would make comments about me getting all "dressed" up. I would reassure him that I had never changed what i was doing and was just getting ready for work. It snow balled from there. It got to the point of me having to quit my job and spend "all" my time with him. I was pregnant at the time as well. By the time I had left this situation it was headed downward FAST!!! I was getting yelled at. called stupid, could not go see my family, could not leave without permission then he would keep a check on how long I was gone and then I would get yelled at if I was a minute late. There was everything from Verbal to Psychological to sexual to financial abuse. It would have gotten Psychical if I had stayed. It was headed that way!!! I found out after I left ALOT about this person. None of it was good.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED!!! NO ONE!!!! This is NOT love !!! Emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse because the scars stay with you. I thought it was my fault that all of this was going on. He would even tell me it was my fault that things were not going right. I was lower than low.
I remember the first night I was at a safe place I cried. I held my 2 month old in my arms and cried. For the first time in awhile I was safe and I was protected. I didn't know what to do but cry. I laid my little one down and prayed. I remember looking back that was the first night of peace I have had since being in the relationship.
I know the hardest thing for me was to forgive him. I thought I had within the first year, found out different. It took me 2 and half years for forgive him. But I did.
I have moved on and each day putting pieces back together like a puzzle. Learning more and more and just enjoying time in general. I didn’t have that before but now I do.
In life we go though things that we are not proud of. When we weave our webs and get stuck in them we think how in the world do I get myself out?
So many times we find ourselves in abusive relationships and don’t understand how we got in them. Sometimes we find ourselves "living with the enemy". I can't tell you why you are in the situation, however, I can advise you on how to get out of the situation. The crazy thing about “false” love is, it's blind, it sees no wrong, sometimes when we are " in love" we can’t see signs of an an abusive person. Sometimes we over look the signs and once " the love is gone" then we see the light. Even stranger is the fact that everyone else can see the trouble ahead in your relationship, except you. I am not just speaking of signs of physical abuse, but emotional and mental abuse as well. Abuse is commonly defined as misuse and mistreatment.
Going through abuse is something that is world wrecking. There are all forms of abuse
and I would like to share what I had went through to help others.
I mentioned I was in an abusive marriage and had went through different types of abuse and it was leading to physical as well. The one that started if all off was emotional abuse. I would like to write some examples of what had happened to me and then you can look at your own relationship and
see if any of this sounds familiar to you?
The first time I remember being told anything and when this person's colors began to show was around the first month of the marriage. It did not take this person long to start showing
their colors. I remember getting ready for work and was in the bathroom with the
door open. I was putting on my make up like I always did. Nothing ever changed
of what I would always do. He came to the door and had said "Why are you putting
make up on?" I told him I was getting ready for work. He said I don't understand
it. From that time on it just snow balled. It was going from my make up to what
I was wearing, Where I was going, how long I would be gone to actually timing me
from point one to point two. It seemed harmless at first and I didn't think much
of it but then other things began to play factor to this. He would make
comments to me like "You don't need to wear that it shows your figure to you
need to be wearing my clothes". Mind you this he was quote unquote "6"3" or so
and I am just 5"2. So you could imagine what that would have looked like. I
would wear clothes I had always wore, which was a regular shirt and blue jeans,
or something to that effect.
He was so jealous and controlling of everything. It had got to the point where he was calling me stupid and I didn't know what I was doing to I have ruined his life. Belittling me behind closed
doors and keeping a tight squeeze on me when we went out somewhere including
around his family. This is just the tip of the ice burg on what happened. There
is still ALOT to tell!!! It was bad!!! It had even gotten to the point where
when I would talk to someone that I saw out and he was with me he would put his
hand behind my neck and make me look down and dared me to talk to them. It was
even bad watching TV, the smallest things would tick him off and it was the rest
of the night arguing. He would yell and cuss and he would just go on and on and
on.
Have any of you been through this? If so are you still with this
person? Do you think this is love? After leaving I realized this was NOT love
and far from it. This person has issues and needs help-professionally. It is
nothing I did or didn't do it was the person. I didn't deserve what I went
through and neither do you!!!
This was not love at all!!! This was a person who was manipulative, controlling and just needed a bag to push around. If I hadn't been pregnant I would had left before it got worse. I was afraid he
would have hit me in the stomach and hurt my little one, I think that was one of
the reasons I had stayed as long as I did. We all have reasons for staying in
these types of relationships and yes there were more reasons why I stayed and as
I write these blogs I will tell and get the word out.
LOVE is none of what I just described above. Love is being compassionate, understanding, wanting
to help your mate, wanting to love them with more than just words, wanting to be
with them and enjoy being with them. Love means no name calling, no yelling, no
cussing, no hurtful saying, no telling you that your not worth it. Love goes the
distance and beyond!!! Yes there is this type of love everywhere just not in
the relationships we are in or put ourselves through. You are worth it and YOU
do deserve ALOT better and You do deserve True LOVE!!!!!!
There are some that wonder what does this have to do with me? I have not been in an abusive relationship before. I only had a bad expereience and it left me hanging. Oh but this does pertain to you in so many ways. How was the person you were with? How did they act? How did things change? Did they start belittling you? Did they talk down to you? Did you get hurt from the dagerish words they spoke to you???
If so then you are reading right!!! That's emotional abuse and that is deff not ok. They are manipulative and controlling and you didn't even realize it!!! That's not what true love is about. True love is just like it say in:
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 New International Version (NIV) 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
True love is NOT found in someone who don't know what true love is. True love is found in someone who loves the Lord with everything they have. True love is patient and kind..not boastful and proud and puffs up. True love comes in many different packages and always ends up with the one you don't expect.
My prayer is that you know what true love is. This whole blog was not to lift myself up and say look at me, poor pitiful me. It was to show you an example of what the world sees as love and then what God says it is. There is not a moment that goes by that I don't tell God “You increase so that I may decrease”. It's not about me but all about Him.
There are so many that are or have been in relationships that have been hurt badly. This including myself. When you are in these types of relationships you don't see things until it is too late. You are already drawn into this person who has the intentions of hurting you but yet you don't see it. Then you think “Poor pitiful me” or “This was my fault this didn't work out” !!!
Before we go on let me just say this...It's NOT your fault and you are better than that!!!
Over long periods of time we get this stuck into our minds that this is what love is and it becomes a cycle of negativity and hurt. This is instilled into us and it lodges itself into our hearts so far that it literally becomes attached in the back of the heart. Over time and in each relationship we go into we bring this baggage with us unknowingly. Honestly the person that we pick out is just like the ones before that one. It's like we are attracted to that type of person because we are use to it. Being in this like mindset and attitude we start to go down hill ourselves.
Here is an example of what I mean:
I wanted to share a little bit of my story. I don't share this for any to have pity on me but maybe it will open eyes to what others are facing. I was with a guy who was good as gold in the beginning and he played all his cards right it seemed. Life was good and things just couldn't seem to be any better. Once we had gotten married things began to change. I had never changed anything I was doing but he started to change. I remember times when I would be getting ready for work and he would make comments about me getting all "dressed" up. I would reassure him that I had never changed what i was doing and was just getting ready for work. It snow balled from there. It got to the point of me having to quit my job and spend "all" my time with him. I was pregnant at the time as well. By the time I had left this situation it was headed downward FAST!!! I was getting yelled at. called stupid, could not go see my family, could not leave without permission then he would keep a check on how long I was gone and then I would get yelled at if I was a minute late. There was everything from Verbal to Psychological to sexual to financial abuse. It would have gotten Psychical if I had stayed. It was headed that way!!! I found out after I left ALOT about this person. None of it was good.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED!!! NO ONE!!!! This is NOT love !!! Emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse because the scars stay with you. I thought it was my fault that all of this was going on. He would even tell me it was my fault that things were not going right. I was lower than low.
I remember the first night I was at a safe place I cried. I held my 2 month old in my arms and cried. For the first time in awhile I was safe and I was protected. I didn't know what to do but cry. I laid my little one down and prayed. I remember looking back that was the first night of peace I have had since being in the relationship.
I know the hardest thing for me was to forgive him. I thought I had within the first year, found out different. It took me 2 and half years for forgive him. But I did.
I have moved on and each day putting pieces back together like a puzzle. Learning more and more and just enjoying time in general. I didn’t have that before but now I do.
In life we go though things that we are not proud of. When we weave our webs and get stuck in them we think how in the world do I get myself out?
So many times we find ourselves in abusive relationships and don’t understand how we got in them. Sometimes we find ourselves "living with the enemy". I can't tell you why you are in the situation, however, I can advise you on how to get out of the situation. The crazy thing about “false” love is, it's blind, it sees no wrong, sometimes when we are " in love" we can’t see signs of an an abusive person. Sometimes we over look the signs and once " the love is gone" then we see the light. Even stranger is the fact that everyone else can see the trouble ahead in your relationship, except you. I am not just speaking of signs of physical abuse, but emotional and mental abuse as well. Abuse is commonly defined as misuse and mistreatment.
Going through abuse is something that is world wrecking. There are all forms of abuse
and I would like to share what I had went through to help others.
I mentioned I was in an abusive marriage and had went through different types of abuse and it was leading to physical as well. The one that started if all off was emotional abuse. I would like to write some examples of what had happened to me and then you can look at your own relationship and
see if any of this sounds familiar to you?
The first time I remember being told anything and when this person's colors began to show was around the first month of the marriage. It did not take this person long to start showing
their colors. I remember getting ready for work and was in the bathroom with the
door open. I was putting on my make up like I always did. Nothing ever changed
of what I would always do. He came to the door and had said "Why are you putting
make up on?" I told him I was getting ready for work. He said I don't understand
it. From that time on it just snow balled. It was going from my make up to what
I was wearing, Where I was going, how long I would be gone to actually timing me
from point one to point two. It seemed harmless at first and I didn't think much
of it but then other things began to play factor to this. He would make
comments to me like "You don't need to wear that it shows your figure to you
need to be wearing my clothes". Mind you this he was quote unquote "6"3" or so
and I am just 5"2. So you could imagine what that would have looked like. I
would wear clothes I had always wore, which was a regular shirt and blue jeans,
or something to that effect.
He was so jealous and controlling of everything. It had got to the point where he was calling me stupid and I didn't know what I was doing to I have ruined his life. Belittling me behind closed
doors and keeping a tight squeeze on me when we went out somewhere including
around his family. This is just the tip of the ice burg on what happened. There
is still ALOT to tell!!! It was bad!!! It had even gotten to the point where
when I would talk to someone that I saw out and he was with me he would put his
hand behind my neck and make me look down and dared me to talk to them. It was
even bad watching TV, the smallest things would tick him off and it was the rest
of the night arguing. He would yell and cuss and he would just go on and on and
on.
Have any of you been through this? If so are you still with this
person? Do you think this is love? After leaving I realized this was NOT love
and far from it. This person has issues and needs help-professionally. It is
nothing I did or didn't do it was the person. I didn't deserve what I went
through and neither do you!!!
This was not love at all!!! This was a person who was manipulative, controlling and just needed a bag to push around. If I hadn't been pregnant I would had left before it got worse. I was afraid he
would have hit me in the stomach and hurt my little one, I think that was one of
the reasons I had stayed as long as I did. We all have reasons for staying in
these types of relationships and yes there were more reasons why I stayed and as
I write these blogs I will tell and get the word out.
LOVE is none of what I just described above. Love is being compassionate, understanding, wanting
to help your mate, wanting to love them with more than just words, wanting to be
with them and enjoy being with them. Love means no name calling, no yelling, no
cussing, no hurtful saying, no telling you that your not worth it. Love goes the
distance and beyond!!! Yes there is this type of love everywhere just not in
the relationships we are in or put ourselves through. You are worth it and YOU
do deserve ALOT better and You do deserve True LOVE!!!!!!
There are some that wonder what does this have to do with me? I have not been in an abusive relationship before. I only had a bad expereience and it left me hanging. Oh but this does pertain to you in so many ways. How was the person you were with? How did they act? How did things change? Did they start belittling you? Did they talk down to you? Did you get hurt from the dagerish words they spoke to you???
If so then you are reading right!!! That's emotional abuse and that is deff not ok. They are manipulative and controlling and you didn't even realize it!!! That's not what true love is about. True love is just like it say in:
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 New International Version (NIV) 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
True love is NOT found in someone who don't know what true love is. True love is found in someone who loves the Lord with everything they have. True love is patient and kind..not boastful and proud and puffs up. True love comes in many different packages and always ends up with the one you don't expect.
My prayer is that you know what true love is. This whole blog was not to lift myself up and say look at me, poor pitiful me. It was to show you an example of what the world sees as love and then what God says it is. There is not a moment that goes by that I don't tell God “You increase so that I may decrease”. It's not about me but all about Him.
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